After a suicide, families often live in the shadow of how their loved one died.
Knowing the person died by suicide can make it hard to relive the memories of the life that once was. It's often a cold and lonely place.
After Jamie Campbell died, for a while, it was like he never existed.
Jamie was funny and fun-loving. He was a good kid. He was a B student. He wanted to be a journalist.
But because of how he died, his family didn't talk about any of that.
Michelle Toman remembers the feeling of isolation her family experienced after her brother died by suicide. It was almost 22 years ago.
"Because your person took their own life, and because that feels so wrong, it's different than if they fought a courageous battle with cancer or if they were killed in an accident," she said. "They took their own life and I don't know why, but that makes the grief a little different - a lot different, actually, because people don't know what to say. It doesn't matter how incredible your person was. They just don't talk about it."
"You almost feel like your person never even lived."
According to the American Association of Suicidology, each suicide intimately affects at least six other people. Based on the 825,832 documented suicides from 1989 to 2013, it is estimated that the number of survivors of suicide, meaning the loved ones of those who died by suicide, in the United States is 4.95 million.
Toman, a founder of the state chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, is one of the people organizing the state's first International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, to be held on Saturday in four locations.
Survivors will meet in Bluefield, Charleston, Lewisburg and Parkersburg to watch a screening of the documentary "Family Journeys: Healing and Hope After a Suicide," break into small groups for supportive therapy sessions, talk about their loved ones and come up with self-care strategies.
"It makes you realize that you're not alone," Toman said.
Because loved ones of those lost to suicide sometimes view the death as shameful, and their friends often don't bring it up, many families experience their grief in seclusion after the death.
"I don't know that I heard my mom say his name the first year that he was gone, maybe two," Toman said. "And her friends, not to hurt them, but because they didn't understand or know what to say, they just didn't say anything. The people who understood us the most were those in group therapy."
"Imagine fighting cancer and nobody ever saying anything to you about your bald head."
Toman advocates for reaching out to those who've lost a loved one to suicide, just as they would if the person died of a physical illness. She noted that family members of those who die by suicide are at greater risk of dying by suicide as well.
"We need to pour that same amount of love into people when they lose someone to suicide because they're at as much risk of dying as anyone who's fighting a life-threatening disease," she said.
Often, families just need someone to listen to them.
"I would rather them make me cry, or allow me to cry is probably the best way to put it, than to not acknowledge the fact you've lost someone you love to suicide and I think it would be safe to say my parents would feel the same way," Toman said.
Toman's voice breaks when she describes the gratitude and long-awaited sense of belonging that overwhelmed her when she finally met others like herself at a suicide prevention conference. After a long day spent in seminars, she called her husband Ed, crying from the hotel room.
"I said I finally found my people, because there were 450 other people in the room that got me," she said. "I don't ever cry. It was like I found my tribe."
About 400 Survivors Day events take place throughout the world.
This will be the first time Survivors Day takes place at physical locations in West Virginia.
In previous years, Toman has participated in Survivors Day through online streaming.
"I don't want to sit in my kitchen this year," Toman said. "I want to be with people."
For information on the Bluefield event, contact Heather Bennett at heatherbarnettbennett@gmail.com or 276-722-2722.
For Charleston, contact Michelle Toman at Michelle.L.Toman@gmail.com or 304-659-2763.
For Lewisburg, contact Jennifer Eggleston at jeneggleston0@gmail.com or 304-992-1876.
For Parkersburg, contact Heather McCarter at drheather@mccarterhealthcenter.com or 304-482-3035.
For more information or to pre-register for an event go to www.survivorday.org.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255).
Reach Erin Beck at erin.beck@wvgazettemail.com, 304-348-5163, Facebook.com/erinbeckwv, or follow @erinbeckwv on Twitter.